Little Moments

Just weeks after Ethan was born I sat on my couch listening to General Conference and Elder Ballard's talk, Daughters of God, really stuck out to me. talk found here!

There is one part in particular that I find myself remembering and thinking about all of the time:
What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?
First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.
Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

This advice is so wise!

Yesterday, I found myself thinking about Elder Ballard's talk as we took a walk to the park. I wanted to really live in that moment and remember every detail.

It was a spontaneous decision, we went instead of putting the boys down for a nap. Caden was in the jogging stroller and Ethan was riding his trike (it has a handle for the parent to push). It was about 1 mile to the park, Ethan pedalled furiously along for about the first half, and then he was ready to walk. But Ethan never walks, he runs! And of course he didn't walk in a straight line on the sidewalk, he was like a little ball of energy moving in every direction. I loved watching him inspect every stick, rock, and dog that we came across. I loved how I noticed so many things that I wouldn't have if I hadn't been with him. I laughed when he about walked into a brick wall because he was inspecting the ground, or how he got such a kick out of a leaf stuck to his coat. I felt like I had a goofy smile on my face the whole way there, instead of worrying about hurrying him along, I loved watching him be a curious, energetic little boy.

I smiled again when we got to the swings. Caden had a deep voiced little giggle each time I pushed the swing. A few minutes later the whole family was swinging together, Ethan was on my lap, Brown Dog was on his lap, and Clark and Caden were on the swing next to us. I loved when Ethan leaned his head back against my shoulder to look at the sky.

When it was time for the mile walk home, our napless 2 year old was done. There were a few fits, there was some purposeful bad steering of the tricycle just to frustrate the parents, there were tears. We ended up with both Caden and Ethan in the single jogging stroller with Clark pulling the trike behind him. What would normally have been a stressful or frustrating mile wasn't to me, I was more amused than anything at a 2 year old's stubborness. Everyone arrived home smiling.

Last night Clark and I finally got to bed at 1 AM exhausted after cleaning our apartment so the landlord could do his inspection today. As soon as we got to bed Caden woke up, so I put him in our bed for a little while to get him back to sleep. He was totally asleep so I tried to move him back to his pack n' play. As soon as I laid him down he started crying, this went on a few more times. Finally, just wanting to sleep, I tucked him into our bed next to me. He immediately climbed on top of me until I was holding him and then went right back to sleep. Even though it kept me up a bit longer I just loved feeling his fuzzy little head on my neck and hearing him snore and was just so grateful for my sweet little baby.

Those are two little moments of my day when I was full of gratitude for my sweet boys, and just completely content to be with them. Both times I found myself wanting to remember every detail of what was happening and how I was feeling. I discovered when I focused on just being there in that moment the frustration was replaced with tenderness.

I'm not saying this happens to me all of the time, I only wish I was a Pollyanna! Daily I struggle to have enough patience and to not get frustrated at the little things. But I owe it to my boys and to myself to make an effort "to treasure the doing a little more, and the getting it done a little less."